For creating today's content, there were a plethora of ideas that I teeter-tottered between, but for all intended purposes, I decided on this one, because the issue is something that has recently resonated with me on a personal level. That being said, despite the level of sensitivity, I have nonetheless made the conscious and unconscious choice to settle with this topic for today. Now, there were several different ways that I had originally intended to start this specific article, however, given the recent circumstances, I find it best that we start there, and then proceed from there.
It was almost a month ago to the date on the 17th of July in the years 2020 and for some reason that I could not consciously discern, the entirety of the day was just kind of off, as the common idiom goes. I couldn't figure out why for the life of me. Not only that, but throughout the day I found myself subject to these emotional fits to put it best, that I found to be equally perplexing. Nothing could explain them, so I assumed I was having a man period. All was well, at least in my external world. I had secured a new job, went on an amazing date, and it could not be better, yet I was still in emotional turmoil. It did not make sense until I returned home and meditated on the source of the emotions and feelings I was having. I played some solfeggio healing meditation frequencies, laid myself on the floor, and explored the sensations that were passing through me. One hour later, in tears, and with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, it dawned on me; three years previously to the date, I had experienced my most recent and most profound near death experience. What I was feeling could be viewed as the sort of residual energy, or the kind of imprint that was left on what can be described as my pain body from that one event in specific. The event in question is the focal point of what I would like to discuss in this post.
This may seem unrelated, but bear with me. In the study of Philosophy, there is a field of thought referred to as epistemology, In summary, it is the study of how we come to learn what we know. There are two subcategories that this specific study is further broken down into, the first of which is the opinions held by the rationalists, or those that feel that we learn from the operations of the mind. Conversely, the empiricist hold the opposite view in that what we know is derived upon experience alone. I reference this because what I am going to convey to you is of the empirical sort. I myself favor the opinion of the empiricist; if I was going to inquire as to how to run a business, I would feel more confident obtaining my results from someone that has been running a business for ten years, as opposed to the student that has a master's in business strategy, but with no experience under their belt. Similarly, I make this observation to convey the point that the topic of Near Death Experience's or NDE's, and other supernatural phenomenon is not something that I have studied at length, and know all the top reading material on. Rather, I speak from the very empirical place of having experienced five of these in my own life time. The most recent one the one in which I will emphasize and illustrate from.
At the young yet fragile age of twenty-nine, I can audaciously say that me and death are dear friends; that is how I view this subject that most people want to shy away from and avoid, and I have come to the point in my life where I am no longer afraid of the last journey we make in this life which is only another beginning. I can only hope that in writing this, that it removes some of the fear associated with it for those reading, and that they too can come to a place of peace as far as this sensitive issue is concerned.
When discussing this issue, at certain points, describing what I experienced becomes almost ineffable, or almost impossible to do. It just seems that what had occurred there are yet to be tangible words that I can utilize to do so. Hopefully at some other point, they too will be part of my lexicon to describe these topics. Even if it is a vainglorious attempt, I will make my best effort to do so.
My first NDE occurred at the time of my birth. I had to be subjected to an emergency c-section, the atrium of my heart was three times to big, and there were complications that added to this affect, and the result of which was that I spent the first month of my life
in ICU, with my mother having to go through the same process. Long story short, we both almost did not make it. At two, I learned that I had life-threatening food allergies when I was given a bean burrito, and again, I had another run in with the angel of death. I almost drowned during swimming practice in high school. At the age of eighteen I quit all of my medications for my dual-diagnosis of Asperger's and Bipolar Disorder, to which I had a doctor tell me that I was lucky that I did not die from the shock I subjected myself to. Writing this, it reminds me of how this always makes me think of fractal geometry, as this pattern that seems to be associated to my life, plays out over and over again in greater increments of time that passes by, or perhaps the fibonacci sequence. I have almost accepted the fact that at same later interval I may experience it again, and that it will more likely than not be my last encounter with these scenarios. I might also add, that I also find it highly interesting that it seems that each encounter that I've had corresponds with a different earthly element. The start up needed for my heart, all matter of the heart for that matter that deal with electromagnetic pulses, is electric based, just as the allergic reaction was air based, the pool water based, the medications psyche based, and the event that I am to tell you of a more physical nature. If I had any sense of clairvoyance, I would make the approximation that if I have one final hoorah, I will probably go out in fire, but let's hope otherwise.
The particular physical based NDE that I wish to illustrate to you took place on July 17th, 2017. Looking back on it, I am surprised it slipped my memory, because I remember making a point to remember it by the repetition of the number 7 in the date in question. I will not go into specifics of all the events that took place and lead up to this moment in my life, but what I will say is that on that night in question, I was flung from a jeep going thirty-five miles per hour on an interstate highway in Missouri. I find it worth mentioning that since then, any sort of physical pain I have associated with a kind of impact, because that on an exponential scale was what my physical self felt or experience in that matter. While I am brief in this description, I would like to go into great depth as to what was experienced in that precise moment in time.
Again, some of this is difficult to describe, so I will make references to various well-known illustrations in a best attempt to do so. Now, I don't know if the reader has ever seen the psychedelic and very trippy indie movie entitled, Enter the Void, but what I went through was very much like what is depicted in the opening scenes when one of the characters dies by gunshot, just as is illustrated in the scenes of taking DMT, and throughout the entirety of the movie, as it is one that closely deals with this touchy topic of death, and what comes after it. If you have not seen the movie, granted it is very explicit, I would recommend it, especially in it's capacity to accurately portray this phenomenon, and possibly on the level of expanding conscious awareness, where I find the value of the movie to be. Because this phenomenon is difficult to describe, I will try to add a link that depicts those scenes in the movies somewhere below. That being said, I will now do my best to describe these very spiritual out of body experiences. I say very spiritual because the consequence of the whole ordeal was that it changed my whole sense and perspective on individual, collective, and cosmic consciousness, my ideas and sentiments on life after death, instilled into me a belief of past and future life, and a full gamut of beliefs that had otherwise been alien to me, or that I had previously flat out rejected as part of religious and cultural upbringing.
Excuse the graphic nature of what I am to convey to you, but when I hit the pavement, what I experience first was complete detachment from the egoic self and the physical body as I entered into an out of body experience. It was at this point that I underwent a tremendous shift in sense of perceive consciousness. I was no longer what my self had identified as for the entirety of myself. It was as if I was this conscious or aware formless energy or entity floating about aware of that energy and the self that was lying on the pavement.
Then all of a sudden and all out once, that formlessness shot out it seemed out in the direction of the stars and further out into the cosmos at this exponential rate that grew in its haste as I shot further and further out into the expanse of space. I would like to mention that while this is my own personal experience, that both the outed body experience and this specific phenomenon that I relay to my audience has been a consistent narrative told by individuals who have gone through this whole ordeal. At any rate, this formless sense of self, awareness, consciousness, or whatever you would like to call it, continue to jet through the cosmos at an increasing rate. The faster I went, the more it seemed like something out of a science fiction novel, First the stars were idiosyncratically discernible of themselves, but the faster I went, the more it was like the scenes from Star Wars or Star Trek when the spacecrafts enter into warp speed, with the stars streaking by in these long formations to an extent that there seems to be more white then there is black.
Then, there was an abrupt stop. It was from this focal point that all was this blinding white light or source of the most piercing and penetrating white light that seemed to go through this formless essence. What I felt was one of the most blissful states I have ever known, and I will now take the time to convey the feeling that was had in his bright light.
What I felt is something like you would expect from a religious or sacred text on enlightenment. Mostly, there were two deep feelings that permeated throughout that sense of formless self. The first and most deeply felt was this sense of the deepest love that one could know, almost to an extent that one feels they don't even deserve. Just the most unconditional love that accepts you on every level of who you are, will become, and all that you are. A love that accepts you for everything that you've done, and all that you will do, and just as you are. A love that loves you in all places and spaces, and throughout all of time. Sheer acceptance on every level.
I remember prior to the experience, that I had always tried to imagine the extent of what God's love would be like, the divinity of it, and the likes. I had struggled with this sense of all-loving and divine love, because it did not make sense to me that an all-loving being could possibly send his quote unquote children to an eternal damnation of never-ending suffering. If I had divine love and accepting I feel that I would be in the deepest level of suffering for their suffering. Just as it confuses me that our religious beliefs concerning heaven create a picture of this utopia like place where there is no suffering. Again, if I was this divine being, or perhaps an angel, I think that I myself would be in deep suffering if I looked throughout the cosmos, and various people that I cared for were in this deep state of eternal suffering. In its own way, this would create for an internal damnation within my sense of self for all of eternity. This experience made these feelings all the more difficult for me, because the love that was felt was one that could have accepted everything, even the very most worse of human nature.
In the description that I've given you so far, I would also like to mention something that I find very interesting. Prior to this particular experience, I had written in my creative writing class in college a fictional piece about what an individual's death, and that sensation would illicit. The reason for this was the fact that the plot of the story told of an individual's conversation with God upon their judgement day upon passing.
I wrote the piece because what I wrote spoke to this difficulty that I had when musing such an idea over. In the story, God shows the individual the life that he could have lived if he lived in divine love, without fear, true to himself, the talents that God had gave him, and the life that God had intended for him. In short God intended to give the character everything his heart had ever wanted, and that he was forgiven, in that he just had to forgive himself from creating his own hell and falling short of paradise on earth. I mention all of this, because I marvel in the way that the description that I gave in this work was so eerily similar to what I experienced that night.
At the same time, and perhaps as a consequence of the previous feeling described to you, there was also this underlining sense of peace that surpasses all understanding. I say that it was underlining in that it was not quite as profound as the prior sense of unconditional love, and lay just beneath that deeper surface level. But it was peace and acceptance for everything as it is. Everything was exactly the way that it needed to be as part of the divine plan of the universe unfolding onto itself. So just a feeling of deep love and peace. That is perhaps the closest that I have come to nirvana thus far in my life, and may be the closest I will ever come, and I am okay with that. What I was imparted with following the whole incident was a disposition in which I no longer fear death, which is something that is related by many who have had their encounters with NDE's, and mostly because we know that this place is the source that we are returning to.
Continuing forward with my narrative, the formless sense of consciousness stayed and kind of lingered in this bright light; it was here that there was a sense of home, and a longing to stay. I stayed in that light for sometime, for what seemed like an eternity, and then as abruptly as I had arrive, that sense of awareness, shot back down through the cosmos, down, back into my physical body, and that concludes all that I had undergone in that short amount of time, at least for the most part.
With everything being kept into consideration, I would like to express that there are a lot of ideas, beliefs, and sentiments that permeate throughout this culture of new age spiritualism that, prior to the accident, I rejected, that I now view as a sort of universal truth.
The first of these things, as I have already articulated to you, is the belief of past and future lives to come. Closely related to this notion is a strong belief that we are essentially immortal spiritual beings, living our infinite manifestations and versions of ourselves and what we can become. In philosophy, we learn that we cannot be our body, because that is something that we can readily observe. Similarly, we can not be our thoughts because those too are observable. However, it is the soul, the spirit, the very essence of who we are, that we cannot observe on any level, try as we might. On the most rudimentary level, that is who we are, that is are true essence, and it is this that is timeless and immortal.
Another kind of concept that I developed in all of this, or that was so instilled within my being is this whole idea surfacing regarding what is known as soul contracts as well as that of a specific type of soul contract known as a walk in. It is a difficult matter to discuss at length, and for sake of length, I will just note that I will do an entire article on this subject matter. That being said, I can testify to this, in that my very survival from this traumatic event was both a soul contract as well as that of a kind of walk in.
I refer to a soul contract in that, what is felt in me, is that I could have passed on, and even would have preferred to do so. Why would anyone want to leave nirvana, bliss, peace, and a kind of unheard of unconditional love? Divine love that's what. I can still feel it within myself that a large part of what kept me here, was out of love for my parents. Like in all things, we have a choice, the choice being to stay or pass on. It was the thought of how devastated my family would have been by the loss of me, me being my mom's whole world as she has told me on numerous occasions, that prompted me to stay really, and really that is the kind of contract if you will that I am staying under. Just as the part of me that wants to live our my highest purpose in this life. At the same time it was a kind of walk in, which again, I will describe at a latter point, but the main function of that is to do some serious leg work in terms of healing thy self, from all the trauma, and other basely feelings that no longer serve myself, or my highest purpose or good. Nevertheless, I think this is a good enough spot to end for now. That is enough for today.
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